Sapucaia Roca

Deal With Your Fucking Goblins

How not to wrassle an ogre

ogre_by_Hamsterfly.jpg

The ogre steps in through the hole in the door, first looking down at his own wound. Then lays bloodshot eyes on Aric, says hello solemnly, and hits him with a sapling in the head. It is bleeding terribly, and he takes 11 points of damage. The ogre tells him now they’re even.

Yossarian sends 3 magic missiles at the ogre, for basically a papercut’s worth of damage. One of them hits in his wound, and he begins to scan the room. Illy stabs the wall again, and they notice the wall keening. Rando begins singing a song about how powerful Aric is, and is somehow also an ad for Restorative Relixer. Aric wants to then grab the ogre, from inside his chest wound, with the aided power of Bardic Inspiration from Rando. Aric gets the Ogre in a choke hold, immobilized. Aric begins to choke the ogre, and by kicking the instep he hears something crack. Two goblins come up, and one – flipping a knife – asks why he’s even here, before stabbing at Aric. It misses! Aric looks over at Yossarian and says, “Deal with your fucking goblins.” The stabby goblin moves away, into the shadows. Thava attacks the ogre, as does Tyvia. The ogre slams Aric into the wall, dropping him to zero hit points, blacked out onto the floor. Yossarian backed up and threw fire at the ogre, the ogre ducked, and it went to shadowy figures beyond. Aric narrowly escapes his first death saving throw.

Illystabs into the jelly like wall. It is shuddering, in the little gaps when it moves, a passageway beyond may be seen. The whole jelly wall is imploding upon itself. A female all covered in dust is all that is left from the wall. She, with bloodshot eyes, gets up and scampers down the hall.

Rando tries to make the ogre believe that there are out-of-control flames next to and behind the ogre. The ogre looks behind him, and he is alarmed. Thava feels a hand on her back, and tries slipping a dagger into her. She spins, pushing back the goblin. The goblins share a glance, and the second throws a dagger into her throat for 10 points of damage. She dropped to 0, coughing up some acid pellets. She fails her first death saving throw.

In the alcove, there is a figure in chains. He remembers nothing but a lot of booze and a beautiful woman. He can’t quite remember her race, or much of what happened. Lugash.

Tyvia does not break her gaze on the goblins, knife flipping, and considering her. While she caresses Thava for 6 HP of Sexual Healing (Lay on Hands).

Lugash roars, and shakes the chains he’s bound by. He’s just hung over and angry. Yelling at Illy, “Release me!” in a thick Russian accent.

The ogre decided he did not want to hit Tyvia, and sits down. Yossarian asks if he may take that as unconditional surrender. The goblins reply, “We are dropping you like flies. Why would we surrender?” Yossarian throws fire at the goblin, and starts screaming… until it stops. “What say you now?!” says Yossarian, defiantly. The Ogre replies, “Well then,” and moves closer to Yossarian.

Illy is inspecting the chains on Lugash, and begins to pick the locks. They pop easily, and she steps back. The metal is not iron, they are brass. Rando calls to ask what is going on in there. Illy replies that there is another dragonborn. Rando has an exchange with the ogre, and ends up moving to stab the ogre with his rapier. This was all brushed off as the ogre continues to stomp to Yossarian.

Zeto has been murdered, and his goblin friend is most upset. Rando tells him why we’re here. This goblin is motioning things forward through the fire. Moro, the ogre, negotiates with Rando, and the flames are quieted in effort to calm Moro. Thava is debating between her need to nibble or drag the fallen Aric away. She drags him from the goblins, and Tyvia follows to heal Aric with her Sexual Healing.

A golden dragonborn, Lugash, with a horny humanoid face, leathery loincloth, and fine silver jewelry stalks to Moro the ogre. The dragonborn notice each other on his way, he notices she is injured, walked up to the ogre and breathes fire into his face. Moro stumbles and takes 4 damage. Rando calls out that the fire is an illusion. The ogre instinctively swings his club at Lugash, “It feels real!” Inflicting 7 points of damage with his tree branch. Lugash returns with Hellish Rebuke, engulfing the ogre in fire, confusing the ogre and making him uncomfortable. Thava takes her attack of opportunity on the ogre, and moves to bite him. Snapping at him and ducking under the club. Rando then takes his attack of opportunity, missing, the rapier flies off into the darkness, and Rando is knocked on his ass. Aric goes to kick the ogre, but he’s prone and Rando falls on him.

Yossarian fails his death saving throw. Aric sits upright. Illy slinks back to the corridor, trying to get the jump on the remaining (visible) goblin. She fails at being sneaky, and all around see where she’s going. She moves to intimidate the goblin, blade to his throat, “Call off the reinforcements!” He does, “Stop, she’s going to kill me. Just like they killed Zeto.”

Rando begins telling everyone to calm down. “What we need is some reason, so we understand why everyone is here.” The ogre wants to know if the blade is real, or like the fire. Tyvia goes to heal Yossarian with Sexual Healing.

Lugash gets uppity while the healing is happening, with the ogre. Rando jumps in, and uses Make Friends on Lugash. Lugash asks the ogre if he were the one to chain him. The ogre is confused by the nature of reality, though he denies it. “This is the territory of the unseelie court of the goblin kings. How are we to come to an understanding?” says the goblin. Illy begins to lecture him on the rules of engagement, and responded to force with force. (Orcs = Goblins, fey ancesestors. Any fey of unseelie court may refer to themselves as goblins, and goblins may refer to themselves as elves. Contracts may or may not be honored.) The goblin, Anau, shakes Rando’s hand on the agreement to go the separate ways with no malice.

Lugash wants to know why he was captured here. They all are trying to convince Anau that the Relixer is something he’ll want to exchange for the information we seek. Thava spits a single acid ball on Anau’s shoes. Lugash, prince of clan stroganoff, was here taking up with the stone nymph.

Yossarian was telling some terribly offensive jokes in his jestering to the goblins. He suspects this is why they chased him, and he chased us. He’s very defensive about his responsibility in this whole matter. We take an hour’s rest and talk out or motivations. There is an invisible servant – Kriv – dispatched by Lugash to massage (hit on) Thava.

The hall heads up on an incline in these ruins. There is wreckage around the exterior of the structure we’re in now. The angle and the light make it difficult to see what is at the end of the corridor. Looking for traps and the unusual as we go through, after the stone nymph. The passage shows no signs of weak points (traps) and the path is well traveled. At the end of the tunnel, it opens up into a room. The room is crooked, paving stones are crude and one side is much higher than the other. There are lots of little stone structures laying about the room, some broken, some whole. The far wall is curved, and each side goes to meet that wall. High on a chain there is a raised fire pit, lighting the room with glowing coals (no flame). The stone is light colored, and the top reflects the light well across the room. The room is scattered with some stone benches. The structure predates current civilization, and the writings are Kron (human). “strength, mighty, glorious” The two tunnels leading out, are dark and placed symmetrically. The left has the most recent use, and the right has been more heavily traveled overall. The nymph appears to have used the left path.

Air starts to hit our face as the tunnel goes downward slope. We find ourselves in a field, at night. We can smell the salt air of the ocean, and the stars are out on this clear night. Thava needs to feed, but cannot find anything to snack on. Lugash sends Kriv to find her a snack, but since he can’t actually attack, he brings back already dead woodland critters. Kriv sighs each time he’s sent on a task. He doesn’t much like lizards or … anything.

As Illy tries to find her stone nymph, she comes across a terrible smell. Floating to Illy, posed with her rapier, is a bundle of rodents. “You will be hungry no longer, my love. Your dinner is on its way.” Illy is disgusted, as the rodents float passed her. They all fall at Thava’s feet, and are well on the way to or through decomposition. Thava kicks the pile, and looks as disgusted as Illy. “Kriv, you son of bitch,” Lugosh claps Kriv away.

Illy looks around for boulders, and Rando seeks magic. Illy sits infront of the boulder the boys try to lift. Lugosh tried to sweet talk the boulder, but failing that, he hits the boulder with Eldrich Blast.

Vines grow around us, the ground reaches up. Rando and Tyvia escape and roll away. Stony vines grab the others.

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BloodyMalth

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